My Angel My Brother
by ThatJeevasFanChick
Summary: Sorry for the long wait.  Here is an Angst-y one-shot for you :   Brief language


My Angel, My Brother

It feels like ages have passed since you've been taken from me and every waking second that your memories linger in my mind, I want to shut them up and hold them close at the same time. I gaze at what used to be our shared living quarters, all of our possessions gathered and waiting to be picked up. I fight back tears as our last memories were held in this very space. I must not have been trying very hard, feeling a warm tear fall down my uncovered eyes; a stifled sob escapes my throat and I force myself to look away from the very couch you sat in that fateful day.

I lean heavily against the doorway and I feel my walls crumble, not caring who may have been listening to me, fuck them. I realize that I've stumbled backwards into the adjacent wall and that the tears are falling freely now, not that I wanted them to stop in the first place, because they are for you, always will be for you. I know that I promised you that I'd be there, but there was too many and I am so sorry that I did mot make it in time to stop the monster that took your life.

It was seeing that inferno that only confirmed to me that you are never coming back again. I can't just search you down like I did those years ago with the albino. I can't argue with you to stay behind like you did when your idol died. Nothing I do to try convince myself otherwise will bring you back to me and this harsh bit of reality only brings new sobs and tears upon my fallen form.

I barely register that the movers have arrived and that they have been keeping an eye on me, but I could care less, they are not important right now. They glance at what is in the hallways and take those outside and I almost stop them in fear of them outright discarding our things like garbage. I know that the opposite is true and I allow myself to get up on somehow much weaker legs, using the wall as a support. Words are mumbled to me and I look through bleary vision, only nodding at them, no longer interested in what they have to say to me.

My vision trails downward to the chocolate bar in my grasp, unbroken by some miracle. My eyes tear up again at seeing the bite mark you made, the last bit of chocolate you ever ate; I sniffle and wipe the fluids that have leaked from my nose with my sleeve and I force calm over myself, but it is very difficult. I need to be strong for you, I need to be strong for me. I let a small smile play on my face as an old memory comes into my consciousness.

We were seated on the stairwell on a warm Sunday afternoon in July. I was immersed with my video games and you were laidback on the stairs with a cheeky grin on your face and a chocolate bar in your hand. You've not stopped this weird smile and this gets my attention after some time. I question you why you're smiling and your grin only grows wider before you look at me. You tell me that you have a plan for the both of us. You tell me that when we are old enough, we are going to travel the world and solve crimes like your idol has, but there was going to be something different in how we would accomplish this.

I feel myself smile brighter and I ask you how we were going to do things differently than your idol. He lets out a belly laugh, so full of genuine mirth that I found myself laughing along with you. You tell me that we are going to solve crimes in drag, just because the people we hunt would never suspect drag queens to be super intelligent detectives. We both laugh harder at this, getting the attention of our caretaker who I catch smiling.

I snap back to reality and I see that the movers are taking the last item from the apartment; that small grin does not leave as the effects of the memory is still strong. I suppose it is a comforting thing, my puffy eyes are the only outward sign of my previous emotional state. I use the positive memory to help strengthen the calm within me, rebuilding those walls that you had so easily torn down, even if you were not here to do so in person.

Your whole persona, existence, your entire being was domineering, and you never needed to say much to get what you wanted. That was your appeal, and that was also your greatest weapon to the unsuspecting. One slipped comment about your quirks or flaws and you'd be able to disarm them completely with your eyes and only a few select words. So powerful were they that even the people around you were effected, that is what I remember you saying once.

I walk outdoors and make my way to the red muscle car you got me has a gift later after we were reunited and trace an unimportant pattern on the hood before glancing upwards. I knew that this space we shared was a shithole, but it was our last home together. I force calm over myself one more time, wiping the stray tear from my eye before entering the vehicle. I take a deep breath, another before starting the engine and pulling away.

Mihael…you were my brother from the very day we adopted each other that cool May evening when we were 11. You will always be my brother to this day. You are now my angel and I promise not to let you down. I will remain strong for you, and for myself. I know that it will not be easy because you've had such an adverse effect on me. You did take me all over the globe, but not in drag as we'd made plans for once upon a time, but you've shown me a place larger than I'd only dreamed to comprehend and for that, thank you.

My Angel...

My Brother...

My Mello...

Mihael Keehl


End file.
